Metro Removing Safety Restrictions

Metro Removing Safety Restrictions (Without Doing Anything To Fix The Problem.)

So, in the continuing saga of ‘Born to Rule’ and ‘By God, the serfs will do as they’re told’ management, there’s this little exchange;

On Wednesday, June 22nd Ebola unilaterally declared that the 90km/h maximum speed applicable to X’Trapolis trains was no longer applicable because Wyatt, acting under instructions, says so.

xtrap speed rest rescinded

Apparently not content with the current record of 125+ SPADS per annum, (3-4 times the worst under Connex) they want to increase that, and go for a record number of train/train collisions as well.

Having done nothing to address the deficient braking of the X’Trapolis fleet at speeds above 90km/h, Ebola apparently are of the view that the trains will likewise do as they’re told.

This of course is an attempt to defy the laws of physics.

Well, since when did Ebola care about laws of any kind?

On Thursday, June 23rd the Union, Transport Safety Victoria and the Office of the National Rail Safety Regulator were informed of this irregular, unlawful and dangerous alteration to operating conditions.

In keeping with Metro’s usual operating procedure, Metro Management have refused to meet with the RTBU, preferring instead to go with “Because we said so.”

On Friday June 24th, Circular 20433  was issued by the Union.

xtrap union.jpg

Since the matter is now officially ‘In Dispute’, the status quo remains, and the Speed Restriction remains in force.

Now we’ll see what Fair Work knows about physics.

I suspect not very much.


More Harassment For Metro Employees

In December last year, one of our contributors reported on some of the methods Metro Trains Melbourne use to Bully and Harass their workers.

Harassment in its Many Forms and Types

We have since learned that Metro have actually taken this a step further, with some immediate Supervisors actually accompanying their employees INTO the doctor’s office and then arguing with the Doctor over the employee’s inability to return to work.

Now, Metro Trains Melbourne have introduced a new mandate on their compulsory harassment schedule:

The “Welfare” Check for employees who are sick.

Employees who report as injured have already been stalked and harassed by management in their hospital rooms (with internal “investigations” reporting “no fault found”),

now employees who report as sick will be subjected to further harassment and phone calls from overzealous management in an effort to drive staff morale to an all time low.

More harrassment3

Of course, Metro Management use the terms “welfare” and “support”.  Because everybody knows that corporate managers only want the best for their employees.

Metro Managers in training.

Metro Managers in training.

What’s next? Management visits to the homes of sick employees?

When are Metro Trains Melbourne going to change their ‘Company Values’ to reflect what they really believe?  That they OWN their employees and that their employees have NO right to privacy outside of their workplace?

Perhaps it’s time that the Fair Work Act is changed to protect the employees right to privacy?

Living off the Earnings of Prostitution?

Living off the Earnings of Prostitution?

Living off the Earnings of Prostitution is one of those ‘offences’ that have been around forever, in one guise or another and varying forms of words, in just about every jurisdiction, everywhere in the world.
For as surely as night follows day, the first practitioners of the world’s oldest profession attracted parasites, like pimps.
(Ignoring for the moment the other parasites they also attracted, like politicians and tax collectors!).
For, if the act of prostitution was regarded as immoral, pimping was regarded as particularly loathsome, despicable and undesirable, and it was the pimps who were targeted by these laws as the profiteering facilitators of the ‘evil’ trade. Not because it was an evil, immoral and illegal trade, mind. But because the pimps were the first leeches to latch on, leaving no room for the other parasites – like politicians and tax collectors. UNLESS OF COURSE the politicians and tax collectors in question also happened to be pimps, or Pimp-masters collecting kickbacks for issuing Operating Licenses (Tickets) to official, Government Accredited Pimps.
Fast forward, to the more enlightened times of the modern era.
Prostitution is more or less legal, although regulated, in most progressive societies.
But ‘pimping’ continues in the modern era – it’s just better paid (and better hidden) is all, courtesy of the highly skilled specialist Government department, Pimp-master Ticketing, Victoria!

BAD Graffiti

Now, whether it’s ‘art’ or not, it’s intrusive, generally ugly, mostly amateurish and it doesn’t generate any return for the taxpayers who nominally own these rolling billboards, and no rivers of money for the pimp, either – and most pimps regard that as criminal!
In fact, it generates ‘expenses’ for cleaning – and guess who pays for that?
Yep – the taxpayers. And they pay for it, regardless of whether or not the contractors actually do clean it off; regardless of how long it takes them to do it; and regardless of how much the contractors actually profit from the cleaning – and you can be well assured that they do.
Sometimes (though only rarely) trains are removed from service, and the taxpayers can’t travel on trains that aren’t running. Likewise, the pimps can’t make money from trains that aren’t running – either from the running of the train, or the ‘pimping out’ of the taxpayer’s property.
BAD Graffiti also takes up VALUABLE space that could otherwise be occupied by GOOD Graffiti.

GOOD Graffiti?

Good Graffiti is also intrusive, ugly, amateurish and it doesn’t generate any return for the taxpayers who own the rolling billboards either. But it’s GOOD because it can be used to cover up the Bad Graffiti ‘scratched into’ almost every carriage window in the fleet.

It’s doubly GOOD because it ‘costs’ nothing to apply – that’s factored in to the fees and charges and paid for by the gutter crawler. (Our American friends call them ‘Johns’.) And it’s ESPECIALLY GOOD because it generates rivers of money for the pimp – PURE PROFIT – and the worthless, miserable, long suffering taxpayers get NOTHING! Which is as it should be in the Gospel according to pimps and Pimp master Ticketing, Victoria.

The poor old taxpayer even pays for the electricity that illuminates the Good Graffiti – and just wait to see the volume of ‘lettable space’ that they’ll have available on hectare after hectare of Skyrail infrastructure. What a windfall marketing opportunity that will be!

Now the profits accruing to the pimp (for doing bugger all) are cream. Gravy. Icing on the cake!

BEST OF ALL, it’s all hidden – “Commercial, In Confidence” – whereas once upon a time ‘GOOD’ Graffiti actually delivered revenue to the railway and thereby benefit to the owners of the railway – the taxpayers!

This racket is SO LUCRATIVE, (as in ‘filthy lucre’), that they can even afford to pay agents to manage it for them!

OBSCENE Graffiti

Then there’s Obscene Graffiti – and we just don’t mean ‘rude’, we mean REALLY, DISGUSTINGLY OBSCENE Graffiti! What else can it be, when someone other than the Official Government Accredited Pimp is making money out of it? Proof that ugliness begets ugliness; that one good crime deserves another; that there’s truly no honour among thieves; there’s this!

Now this is actually a very clever usurping of the ‘rights’ and the ‘lettable advertising space’ of the Official Government Accredited Pimp. Commercially made, ‘Lasts Forever’, environmentally unsound, corrugated plastic ‘billboards’ which even mimic the official version, tied to the fencing NEAR, but not ON the station premises. Quickly, but ‘neatly’ applied with cable ties, probably surreptitiously in the dead of night, and sometimes requiring trespass
into ‘secure’ areas. Often, facing both ways, for maximum effect. Expect more of this as the sphere of Tipple’s operations expand, and the inevitable copycats seize upon the genius.
We expect that either the Official Government Accredited Pimps themselves, or Pimp Ticketing, Victoria will pounce on this way faster than they act upon, or enforce, the mandated cleaning of the taxpayer’s properties and rolling stock.
AND we’d be SHOCKED to see the (clearly identifiable) Johns publically prosecuted.
BUT we wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to see the pimps and the usurpers form an unholy alliance to their mutual (commercial, in confidence) benefit. Better to be ‘inside the tent, pissing out’, and all that!

Watch this (advertising) space!


A Satirical Look At Railway Management Structures

The Murdocky press wishes to release a press statement. There has been a lot of criticism recently about a lack of investigative journalism in the worlds worst newspapers: The Herald Scum and the Daily Propaganda but to name two. So here at the Murdocky press we have decided to bring to you, the public, a series of expose’s where we will have people on the inside exposing the corrupt practices of some of the most shonky government/business deals that you are ever likely to hear about. Without fear or favour we will expose the corrupt, the incompetent and the inept that hide within the ranks of senior public officials and who make deals behind the scenes that cost you, the taxpayer dearly. In this series the public, that’s you, will be asked to send in your stories of corruption and incompetence to our editorial team at the Murdocky press. We will send out intrepid reporters into the very bowels of these public companies, councils and government agencies to bring to you the most interesting,shocking, smelly and investigative stories that you are ever likely to read. 


The first report in this series will focus on an internal document from a railway organisation who, if the organisation was an individual would be labelled as a dysfunctional, maladjusted, feckless and counter productive individual. It would appear that the organisation in question is suffering from delusional paranoia that has a mania for employing staff and labelling them managers. To bring home the point, the Murdocky press is in possession of further documents that will have you scratching your heads in disbelief.


The Editor

Murdocky Press.

Below is an extract of an internal  document from a whistle blower. Whistle Blower, trains, Oh forget it.

Staff Bulletin

We are less than pleased to announce the departure of yet another temporary manager. The work load was too great for him and so we have decided that to make the place run more efficiently and to spread the load more equitably we are pleased to announce the formation of a brand new department to employ more managers.

(For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term ‘Temporary Manager’ please refer to staff memo. (“From the Boss, section x reference I. a.m. in charge in 2015 and I can make your situation go from permanent to temporary whenever I like.) For full details this memo along with all the others might be found on-line, might being the operative word.

This new department will be called the ‘Department of Managers.’  Previously known as The Managers department.

The Department of Managers will be managed by a Manager, whose brief will be to ensure that there are enough Managers available at all times to manage the Managers. The person selected for this high profile position will be less than highly motivated, not quite a team player and will put his own self interests ahead of everyone else.

The Department of Managers, Manager will have an Assistant Manager whose role will be to ensure that all Managers are issued with a managers sign. The managers signs will be numbered 1 2 3 etc according to rank and seniority and will be worn prominently on the front of their safety vests so that there will be no issue with staff working out who’s who in the zoo. The higher the number the less important you are. So as to stop confusion among the passengers the managers vests will have written prominently across the back. “DONT BOTHER ME WITH YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS IF YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING JUST TWEET US”. And just to ensure that no one is offended the sign will finish off with, “THANKS FOR TRAVELLING WITH US AND WE DONT CARE WHAT SORT OF DAY THAT YOU ARE HAVING.”

 To ensure that there will be no confusion between the Manager’s roles, the Manager in charge of the signs will NOT BE the Manager in charge of the numbers on the signs.
That role will be for the Numbers Manager and his Assistant, who will be referred to as the Assistant Numbers Manager Senior and Assistant Numbers Manager Junior.

At the last meeting of Managers it was decided that the Managers role was integral in the efficient running of trains as no one else mattered.

Also at that Managers meeting it was decided that all of the problems associated with the problems besetting the efficient running of trains were solely caused by one group.
The trouble was caused by the train drivers and no one else. We know that this is not true, but it is as far as the information is that we feed to the gullible public.

A survey was conducted by our highly skilled management team and they were unanimous in their verdict and contrary to popular belief, it was not a lack of maintenance and our decision to replace moving metal parts with plastic ones in the signal point machines that cause the ever increasing delays to the trains.

No, we will lay the blame firmly with those bad tempered, cantankerous, ill mannered train drivers and if we use that excuse long enough everyone will believe it. The drivers keep insisting on stopping their trains out in the middle of nowhere just because they see a few coloured lights and this one issue has a snowballing effect that causes the trains to bank up behind each other and therefore causes all kinds of stresses among our patients, customers or whatever the manager of name calling is calling them this week.

The manager of the lighting department has also determined, along with the specialist lighting consultancy group that trade by the name of “The Colour Coordinator Consultancy Group’ with whom the Manager consulted extensively with and they have all determined that the coloured lights that the drivers insist at stopping at are all coloured red. It took the consultancy group a total of six months to come to this conclusion which would make them one of the most efficient consultancy groups that we have ever used. And for those of you who a bit slow or sluggish, that means that it is the stopping at red lights that is detrimental to us achieving 100% on time running. We take this report as accurate because it was delivered to us by the reporting manager and his job is to report things to us as are reported to him, that’s why he is referred to in the report as the reporting manager.

In light of this finding the senior management team have decided that as taxi drivers or tram drivers do not stop every time that they see a red light then nor should train drivers. The senior management team have determined that this practice is to stop immediately as it is too time consuming and serves no purpose other than to interfere with our ‘On Time Performance Stats’.

 A spokesperson for the senior management team was quoted as saying, “This practice is just one of those archaic work practices that the drivers have hung onto since the steam days when someone actually walked in front of the locomotive waving a red flag from side to side and ringing a bell warning of an approaching train.” And so, commencing forthwith the practice of stopping at coloured lights must stop immediately. However, the practice of trains running slowly will continue.

Drivers have to understand that we are the managers and that there are more of us than drivers and our job is to make the place run efficiently. We don’t care what drivers work practices were. They all must understand that we are not interested in knowing about their job. They will all just drive the trains, nothing else.

 We will inform them where and if we want them to stop anywhere.

We are managers because we are smart, we must make sure that everyone understands that and just because drivers all have this thing about stopping every time they come across a coloured light doesn’t mean that this practice has to continue.

In line with our corporate policy of streamlining out of date work practices and to help us achieve our goal of having every train manipulated to show it as arriving on time we have established a brand new department that will be referred to from herein as the ‘Department of Managers’ and their first priority will be to address the issue of drivers stopping at coloured lights. In particular, the red ones.

We will appoint a manager to oversea the removal of all red lights. His department will be called the Red Light District Managers Department and will work closely with the head of the new “Department of Managers.’

The Transport Minister has agreed with this new policy, and she has also agreed that we will be able to remove up to 75 per cent of all stations in the near future as soon as the new funding arrangements have been finalised and as soon as she has received permission from the Chinese Government to do so.

The Transport Minister was quoted as saying, and we all agree, “The State Government has decided that it is too difficult and complicated for the elected State Government to run the suburban train system and the State government will officially allow the Chinese Government to dictate State Government policy in this area. It is more convenient for us as an organisation to allow a foreign government owned organisation to manage the trains here than for us to do it. It costs the taxpayers a lot more money to have the Chinese Government owned businesses to run the system, but what do we care. We are a lazy government and everyone expects us to be incompetent.” End of quote.

Another spokesperson was quoted as saying,  “Stopping at stations is the second biggest cause of delays to trains, after drivers issues.”

Our job is to move people from one location to another, and to ensure that this happens and to make the practice of doing this efficiently we will get the people to go to where we want to pick them up from, and we will let them off where it suits us, not them, after all, they only pay for the system and it has nothing to do with them as to how we run the system.

The spokesperson was also quoted as saying that the railways are like a bowl of spaghetti and our goal is to turn that bowl of spaghetti into something that resembles a tray of lasagne and we will achieve that by breaking up the system into small bite-sized chunks. Hence the need to develop the new Department of Managers.

There are currently several vacancies for the position of Head of Management and assistant Head of Management along with their assistant positions.

Applicants with experience in transport logistics will be looked upon favourably, this will include those holding certificates of competency in skate boards, bicycles and horse drawn carriages. Please ensure that your resume includes which department would suit your skills base.

The investigative team here at the Murdocky press thought that this was a public interest story and therefore you as a member of the public should be interested in this and similar stories.


The Editor.

The Mouth Diarrhea of Robert Doyle and other stories



The ‘Mouth Diarrhoea’ of Robert Doyle, Come on Down, & other railway stories.

Note to Bob: It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear ignorant, than it is to open it and eliminate any doubt!


All railways/railroads have similarly worded Rules, Regulations and/or Instructions. Now Bob, those rules, Regulations and/or Instructions are there for a REASON.

Reasons long and clearly understood by railwaymen and women.

They are required or mandated by Parliamentary Acts, or other executive orders.

Note 1:

The stopping distance of a train is usually `long’- measured in hundreds of metres, and sometimes thousands” depending on the speed and weight of the train, and the grade of the track” downhill takes longer than uphill Bob, it’s a product of physics, and completely uninfluenced by the fact that you happen to be still standing, walking, running, cycling or driving in or across the `five-foot’. Railway people know this stuff, like other people (mostly) know that the sun rises in the East.

(Unless you happen to be Robert Doyle and you think the sun shines out of your arse.)

You wanna die mate? Come on down!

Note 2:

The whistle is THE PRIMARY Warning Device “fitted to trains and locomotives (Since about 1833 if memory serves) for the purpose of the preservation of life and limb” yea, verily, even those lives and limbs of the stupidest and most undeserving ones.

It proclaims “LOUDLY” that I am coming; that I cannot just `stop’ and you had better not be there when I arrive there, because the LAWS of physics decree that two solid objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

AND my `object’ (350,000kg of fast moving steel) is solider that your `object’ 80-120kg of

dumb human meat, (HOWEVER THICK your skull or political skin) and whatever you put it in” designer jeans, Lycra body-suit, or Korean 4WD.

I PROMISE YOU that I AM going to win THAT argument, EVERY TIME.

You might merely hurt “a lot” and for a very long time.

Or you might simply do us all a favour and die, i.e., be DEAD, forever. Either way it’s messy, unpleasant, and either way, YOU lose!

Hit by a train, accident or suicide, the average time to death 17 minutes!


Further Reading:

(Images here for those with strong stomachs “I’ve seen enough real life examples to be going on with” but some people and most Doyle’s might benefit from some `education’ in these matters.) ms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjq_a7YiIvLAhXGE5QKHXCCCPYQ_AUIBigB&dpr=1.25

You wanna die (in 17 minutes, on average) mate? Come on down!

Note 3:

It makes this statement LOUDLY because it is intended to be heard, and recognised, AND ACTED UPON at a `meaningful distance’.

That is, a distance at which there is still time to act upon it.

I’m doing 22m/sec at 80km/h, so I’m betting that I’m faster than you are.

If you leave `acted upon’ until the last couple of seconds, then you probably just lost.

It’s intended to work even when we can’t see each other for reasons of track or road curvature, cuttings, lineside vegetation, buildings, other road or rail traffic, illumination or lack of it.

It’s intended to work when you’re talking on your mobile, listening to iTunes, or yelling at the kids squawking in the car.

It’s intended to work whatever the state of wind or weather, source or level of background

noise, hour of the day or phase of the moon.

And it’s all there to keep your worthless arse alive. Yours, and everybody else’s.

And if, in spite of all that, if you (or they) wanna die mate? Come on down!

Note 4:

It is a LEGAL REQUIREMENT that I sound the whistle at the times and places, and in the manner prescribed, otherwise I might have been negligent when your hard of hearing mum, delinquent `risk taking’ teenager, or even you in an uncharacteristic moment of brain failure (or possibly `out of character’ inebriation) prove what I just said in Notes 1; 2; and 3; to be true.

And then someone is going to want me charged, sacked, prosecuted and sued.

Note 5:

SILENCE IS GOLDEN “a FACT which is wasted on the whining , entitled, opinionated, latte sipping, beret wearing, Gitanes smoking, self-important, clueless twats of this world, and getting your head on the telly, or in the local paper, is the BEST WAY to ensure that those with the power of the decibel close at hand observe the rules and regulations – to the letter of both law and regulation” and to the Nth degree.

Don’t believe me?

Ask Steve May, of Elm Street Northcote  right between the Arthurton & Beavers Road crossings.


Now Steve’s a serial cam-plaigner, pictured here in the `local rag’ (again) at the ramparts on yet another earth shatteringly important local issue, (another 15 seconds of `fame’).

But at least he has a sense of humour.

Steve enlisted Mrs. May to cam-plaign on his behalf when he wasn’t around. (Note also the apartments directly opposite Steve’s house that only popped up in the last 10 years or so!

Their `catch-cry’ painted on a strategically located door was “Less Beeping More Sleeping”. That was a dismal failure too!)


Here’s Mrs. Steve May, back in July 2014″ Her `silent protest’ went unheard “and regulation whistles continued” as they do, even to this very day!



High resolution, low level drone-cam surveillance picture of Steve’s `artwork’. Oct. 2014

(Incidentally Steve, is that your work on the East side fence too?)


Ask Steve’s predecessor and role model, Robert Duval of Fairfield, near the Up whistle board for Victoria Road – from August 2006.…

Duval’s bullshit `invention’ “which, by the way, he didn’t invent” wasn’t adopted by Connex, or Metro, or mandated by anyone” and Duval either went deaf, died of frustration, or moved elsewhere!

Ask `Steven-Come-Lately’ Rowan “of Leamington Crescent, Caulfield Eastright near the whistle board for Neerim Road, from December 2015

Image_007 crossings/news-story/5dd762679c4d8137a8f010bd5b27e14a


Ask Professor Harry Blutstein, author and noise pollution consultant (No less!), of Railway Street, Merri, and his mate Nick Karamouzis. (Like, RAILWAY STREET wasn’t a clue Harry?)

They got their little circus up and running (and their picture in the paper) less than one week after the commencement of the Home Safe, Late Night 12 Month Trial. trains-sound-all-night-20160106-gm0blr.html#ixzz3wSW9xaEG

More importantly, ASK THE NEIGHBOURS of these morons, then and now suffering from the increased acoustic fallout generated by their stupidity, big mouths & larger egos.

Prevention is better than cure, right?

But the thing about prevention is that you don’t know how effective the prevention has been because there’s no way to determine the difference in the body-count.

These opinionated morons might like to consider this:

Driving trains is one of the few jobs where you can go to work every day with the perfectly reasonable expectation that you might be involved in delivering death to a stranger.

You don’t know when, where, or how. You don’t know if today’s the day.

But somewhere, sometime, you can be almost sure, it’ll happen.

It’s all about the law of averages (properly described in probability theory as the Law of Large Numbers – LLN); and the numbers don’t lie.

In fact, only Defence force personnel on active duty have a higher probability. Cops on the other hand rate a VERY far-away 3rd.

Most cops “even in gun happy America” manage to go their whole career without ever drawing a weapon in anger, let alone killing anyone.

And in both those cases you’d like to think that the recipients de la morte got what was coming

to them – that they’deserved’ it – that it was justified, warranted, necessary; and that the soldiers and cops are at ease with the decisions they’ve made in the circumstances.

(And do recognise that in many cases, however justifiable, they’re not at ease – but that’s not what I’m here to talk about!)

But train drivers……………..?

Well, we’re a special case, we are.

Our’enlistment’ lasts for decades, our workplace is already inherently dangerous, and we don’t make the decision – it’s made for us by the actions or inactions, (be they deliberate, accidental, or incidental), of others!

There are about 1300 train drivers in Victoria – that varies a little from year to year.

The actual number of fatalities also varies from year to year and’they’ don’t keep a running tally of that – you have to dig around to find it.

So I did just that, and here’s what I found;

50-75 fatalities a year 1 to 1.5/wk on average a mixture of suicides, accidents and not known. Let’s say it’s only 52 – 1 a week = that’s one every 25 years, on average, for each and every one of those 1300 drivers – or about 1.5 in your career.

But the odds are heavily stacked against suburban drivers – the sheer volume of people in the metropolitan area and the numbers of trains – both of which are increasing all the time – ensure that opportunities are plentiful and fatalities and horrendous injuries are common.

So about 75% of drivers work in the suburban system, and about 85% of fatalities or 44 a year occur there.

900 /44 = that’s one every 20.4 years, for each of those 900 suburban drivers – or about 2 in

your career – on average.

75 fatalities a year means 900/63.7 = 1 every 14 years or about 3 in your career – on average. And it’s the averages that kill you (sorry!) every time, because some have none, and some have more – some well into the teens!

Then there are the injuries ranging from relatively minor, to relatively serious, even more common than fatalities, and near misses – or as we now seem to be calling them, near hits – the most common experience – are widely recognised as also being an `affecting experience’ – sometimes even worse than a fatality.

So statistically, we will each have 1.5 – 3 fatalities during our careers, a number of incidents involving injuries, and countless near misses that are so routine that many, perhaps most, go ‘unreported’.

(And of course some will have less than that and others more – that’s the nature of `averages’!)

But where in the training was that `lesson’? Well, there wasn’t any!

THAT information is part of the accumulated `lore’ of the ‘tribe’, handed down from the elders in meal rooms and Saturday afternoon piss-ups and fishing trips “often long before your first fatality” and at peer instigated ‘Stress Management’ sessions after the fact.

Where’s the running ‘gotcha’ tally on the adverse event tally sheet?

They seem well able to tabulate SPADS and overshoots, so where’s the monthly ‘kill’ tally?

Where’s the Depot by Depot `Scoreboard’?

Who’s the current Ace the “Von Richthofen” of death on the tracks? Oh, it’s probably better that officialdom doesn’t mention that.

Then they’d have admitted it was a problem, and then they’d have to do something about it, and that ‘something’ would have a ‘cost’ that someone would have to pay.

Now as an incidental observer of the human animal, with no particular interest, training or expertise in the field, other than 30 years ‘on campus’ in the university of life and death railway operations, I’ll go out on a limb and state the following as observed facts:

Notwithstanding that everyone has a different experience and response –

That individual events tend to have a greater affect as we get older;

That these events are cumulative, (although not necessarily `linear’) in their effect;

And, these are particularly galling, upsetting and traumatic, given that our job revolves around safety – keeping people alive and undamaged – even (and perhaps ESPECIALLY) the genetically deficient ones, those with diminished responsibility, and those bent on self-destruction.

The brain dead, drug affected (including alcohol, coz alcohol is a drug too, right? Albeit a socially acceptable one!) , the distracted; the ‘really important ones’ who have to catch that train and can’t possibly afford to wait a few minutes for the next one; those who choose to insulate and isolate themselves from their surroundings in a dangerous environment with headphones and mobile phones; those with mental issues and nowhere else to go (Thanks in large measure to Jeff Kennett); shenanigans, shyacking and risk-taking behavior, especially among the young and stupid – all good clean fun until it goes to shit – as it inevitably will – and all grist for the mill, as it were.

And it’s a ruthless, effective and unforgiving mill.

800-odd route kilometres of ‘access all areas’, largely unfenced, hiding places & camouflage supplied free of charge,’choose your own time and place’ opportunities, with your own personal ‘dispatcher’ rolling down the track every 10 minutes or so.

Any wonder it’s a growth industry.

And that’s why I get really peeved with retards like Steve May, Bob Duval, Steve Rowan, Professor Harry Blutstein, and his mate Nick Karamouzis, bitching like adolescents about noise from a safety device, used on railway property for the purposes of warning and protection from harm, that they CHOOSE to live near

And even moreso with clueless cretins like Robert `Dumb-Arse’ Doyle and Jon `Flunky’ Faine who take up arms on a subject they know nothing about on behalf of these adolescent fools.

*Law of Averages –

And then you get this shit – Two Bob each way from the world’s most contagious railway

More morons who know NOTHING sticking their oar into the running of the railway! An (uncharacteristic) excursion into `good corporate citizenship’ and (Standard Operating Procedure) in having 2 bob each way.

What the instant expert, Elizabeth Hennessy, doesn’t tell you, is that the VICERS ‘logging’ of whistle use is dodgy – nay, downright unreliable – you can blow it, and it don’t (necessarily) show it!

She also doesn’t tell you that her very good friends at HR (insert your favourite epithet ” Horse’s Rectum Department, Human Remains, Pissants & Pustules etc.” here) will be lining up to ream your arse a foot wide when someone gets killed or injured because you were sooo busy considering the “impact of noise pollution on our customers and residential neighbours” and considering “the time of day – around residential properties” in accordance with Elizabeth’s well-intentioned but brain damaged “ENVIRO ALERT”.

You have to make allowances for airheads like Elizabeth “she just doesn’t know any better. In fact, she doesn’t know anything” except whose arse to kiss to get ahead!


That’s funny.

I’ve never seen anything about that in the Rules, Regulations, or Operating Instructions! Haven’t ever heard anything about any ‘latitude in interpretation’ in the coroner’s court either. But it won’t be Elizabeth that gets the sack, and/or goes to jail, will it?

It won’t be Elizabeth that gets stood down and fucked over for more than 2 years while the courts and lawyers and vested interests argue the toss, and cover their own arses, will it? answer-over-passengers-death-20160129-gmh49u.html

Nope – that’ll be you!

Now, If these retards want all night trains, that comes with rumbling wheels, flange squealing, ringing bells at crossings, drunk bogans making their way home from the local station and pissing in your front yard, AND WHISTLE USE just the same as at any other time.

And in fact, there’s probably a range of good arguments for the more particular, more frequent, more diligent use of whistles.

And the unwashed masses will just have to get used to it – WON’T THEY!

Or maybe complain to the Minister, a lot, and get the all-night trains AMEX’d.

Note 6:


We (mostly) use two whistles of 3-5 seconds each approaching crossings, depending on speed. Doyle, Faine, May, Duval, Rowan, Blutstein and Karamouzis” and anyone else contemplating a career as a self-styled crusader rabbit and self-appointed expert in the matter of noise `pollution’ and anti-whistle activism, might like to reflect on Note 5; SILENCE IS GOLDEN, in the context of Association of American Railroads, Rule 14(l), which states;

œRule 14 (l)”” o” (Two long whistles, one short, and a long)

  1. Trains or engines approaching public highway grade crossings shall sound the horn at least 15 seconds, but no more than 20 seconds before the lead engine enters the crossing. Trains or engines travelling at speeds greater than 45 mph shall begin sounding the horn at or about, but not more than, one-quarter mile (1,320 feet) in advance of the nearest public crossing. Even if the advance warning provided by the horn will be less than 15 seconds in duration. This signal is to be prolonged or repeated until the engine or train occupies the crossing; or, where multiple crossings are involved, until the last crossing is occupied.

  2. Approaching tunnels, yards, or other points where railroad workers may be at work.

  3. Passing standing trains.

And then just shut up and go away.

It’s also worth noting that Rule 14(l) approximates the first four notes (in timing) of the œFuneral March” Daaah Daaah Da Daaah!

And it’s your funeral mate!

You REALLY wanna die?” Come on down!

Metro’s Human Resources “Ask and Tell” Policy.

Metro Trains Melbourne have recently advertised for more trainee train drivers to bolster their ranks,  to replace experienced train drivers who have retired early due to their aggressive and oppressive management policies.

Staff morale at Metro Trains is in the toilet with multiple employees stating the same thing: “Not a single person company wide will do them any favours.”

This out-of-touch management is not helping themselves with their new applicants with one question on the application:

What is your sexual orientation?


Sure,  applicants have the option of “I would rather not provide.” But what business is it of theirs anyway?

As one applicant put it: “How does my sexual orientation affect my ability to drive a train?”

Metro’s Human Resources “Ask and Tell” Policy.

Metro Trains Melbourne have recently advertised for more trainee train drivers to bolster their ranks,  to replace experienced train drivers who have retired early due to their aggressive and oppressive management policies.

Staff morale at Metro Trains is in the toilet with multiple employees stating the same thing: “Not a single person company wide will do them any favours.”

This out-of-touch management is not helping themselves with their new applicants with one question on the application:

What is your sexual orientation?


Sure,  applicants have the option of “I would rather not provide.” But what business is it of theirs anyway?

As one applicant put it: “How does my sexual orientation affect my ability to drive a train?”